News from the future. Dateline: 2015

We are real sorry for what happened to Donald. It seems that after he resigned he developed an "I don't need that" attitude toward everything(especially the press).

There are penny pinchers and then there are PENNY PINCHERS. Well, Donald became a PENNY PINCHER after he entered retirement. It all started when he refused to buy gas for his car. Next he had the electricity turned off at his house --to save money. And Donald did save money, as a matter of fact, he was so impressed with the money he saved, he went on what he called a "dollar strike." "Anything that cost more than a dollar -- strike it," he would say.

Donald began to live on 99 cents a day. It wasn't long before Donald was homeless, friendless, but not penniless. He had all the money in the world. Donald began seeing a psychiatrist, one who worked pro bono, of course. Donald's doctor traced Donald's penny pinching problem back to his days at the Pentagon. Yes, when he refused to spend money on wars he started.

Because of professional help, Donald today is a changed man. Today he doesn't blink an eye at filling his Hummer up at nine dollars a gallon. Glad to have you back Donald!

Condi and Boxer smackdown, round 1: the squabble -- May the meaner girl win!

"We only gave this much of a tax cut. I don't think that extra money would have won us anything in Iraq."











"Condi, you're no one's mother. But we all know, You're George's baby."

Today, as I waited for the sky to open and spread a slick sheet of ice across my plans for the beginning of the week, I watched the news snows -- snows, hahaha -- I mean shows. Shows showing Barbara and Condi's exchange in a senate hearing. You can't miss it; it is on every channel. It is not as good as the smackdown showdown between The Terrible Trump and Bar-a-que Rosie, but it is more important to our lives.
Barbara Boxer claimed that Condi, most people in power, and herself had an inadequate emotional connection to the sacrifice being made by the young families of soldiers in Iraq.
Barbara goofed. Every Democrat in the house and the senate has made this half of the argument, an argument which should be an argument of comparisons and contrasts. I don't know why Democrats making the point our army is peopled largely by youngsters from families who do not have the money to send their children to Harvard or Yale, don't go ahead and finish the point. The point being these children would be in Harvard or Yale and not going from house to house Trick or Treating for I.E.D.'s. in Baghdad if cash for Harvard or Yale were as readily available to these families as it is to the children of senators. The Republicans would have us believe these young men and women volunteered for our all volunteer army to go to Iraq to "fight for truth, justice, freedom and the American way."
Our young men and women in arms are America's very best children. They are children who refuse, for whatever reason, to burden their families with the obligation of providing them a higher education. America's armed forces have, for as long as I can remember, offered many educational benefits to its men and women. I believe it started with the G.I. bill at the close of W.W. II: a bill which provided funds for a higher education to a generation of America's best, bravest, and brightest. We should not believe, as the Republicans would have us believe, our all volunteer army is motivated only by patriotism, and not at all by health insurance, child care, family housing, and educational benefits. These soldiers are not drop-dead crazy about leaving their families to risk their lives and the future of their families in way off Iraq Christianizing, Republicanizing, and freeing people who have been warring for thousands of years and who can't stand America.
I just can't understand why Democrats cannot link in one breath the two links in a chain of argument. I don't understand how a government can ask our soldiers to go two, three, or more tours of hazardous duty in Iraq at great sacrifice and threat to these soldiers and their loved ones, and be so oblivious to their sacrifice as not to offer some sacrifice themselves. Instead we give the wealthiest Americans tax breaks, and ask them to go shopping. WTF! Wow, do we think our soldiers are motherfuckin stupid?
Why couldn't Barbara say, "While we shopped, they died. Condi, doesn't that show an emotional disconnect on our part? Is it because we don't have children involved? I mean, why would we in power give ourselves a tax break, while they go without the numbers and equipment to win. What we saved in taxes would have won that war at one time." THERE, HOW HARD WAS THAT? Barbara was trying to make a class argument. Why was she afraid to make it? Instead, by saying what she said, it became a slam on Condi's gender and childlessness.
Barbara, you're there -- follow through. They're throwing hardballs at one hundred miles an hour -- SWING, don't bunt.

THe amaZinG KrEskin'S ProPhCy FoR 2007

Every year, shortly after the New Year, I have a dream. In this dream I see, sometimes clearly, sometimes not so clearly, the future. This year the dream came last night. Last night there was nothing foggy about what I saw. I saw clearly several things. There was something in the dream which caused me to feel the things I saw were real. So real, I can say they have already happened, and we only wait for these events to unfold.

1. After two well known Senators (one Democrat, one Republican), go on T.V. and mention the word impeachment, Bush leaves Washington in a huff. He arrives in Crawford and chops wood for two months (sort of an extended spoiled rich boy pout). He returns only when Tony Snow resigns, then quickly, and without a plausible explanation, pulls most of the troops out of Iraq and refuses to give speeches or press conferences. Rumors will fly about drinking and drug use. He will begin to take Barney with him everywhere.

2. Homeland Security will find an nuclear weapon in a major city -- Austin, Texas, I think. The city will be evacuated. Many people will die trying to leave the city. People in other cities will also leave their homes in a panic.

Homeland Security discovers the device to be a hoax, something dream up by college students. The students couldn't believe the devise was treated as real. The story of the bomb being fake is never disclosed. The students are given jobs with the government; they are paid too, too much and shipped overseas. The press is told the bomb contained two hundred pounds of radioactive fissile material, and the only thing that saved Austin was that it was a dud. Osama is blamed.

3. Brad Pitt dies in a car wreck.

4. Paris Hilton is reported to have V.D., and when confronted with the story, covers her mouth and cries.

5. Confronted by American power Iran signs a treaty with Russia. Russian troops are stationed along the Iranian border.

6. The Mormon church begins to buy all available property in Independence Missouri.

George speaks out: happy times are here again!

Everything will be fine, as long as I'm president. There is just a few things we need to do on an emergency basis to insure something awful doesn't go off -- I mean happen, yes, bad, really bad happen to Washington... I mean Boston, no, no, New York, that's not it, I mean California or Texas.

These things we need to do, you won't even notice. And to not cause a panic, I have decided not to tell you about them: domestic intell; phone lines; computer addresses; and such things you don't need to think about, we've already thought about them for you, O.K.? And, after a little longer while, you will be able to quit worrying about the terrorists and Bin Laddie, hehehehe. He... well, we may never find his body, sorry. Oh, I almost forgot. There are some other laws, some constitutional ambiv...... you know, wobbley laws. Rights of terrorists to a government lawyer. Well, as long as it's a government lawyer, I guess it's Okie-Doekie. Ya all know if it's O.K. with the A.G., it's O.K. with me. Oh, and after this press conference I'll take one question, but nothing about torture -- you all are torturing me today, heheheheh. Oh, by the way, I'm sick and tired of my Daddy's old friends; I told them all to go home. I'm a big boy, I can run the country by myself.